I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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