Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
