Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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