I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you will always have a special place in my vag
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize