Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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