It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
