i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
