Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
