You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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