Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it's great music for shaving your balls
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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