I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
