new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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