I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
