I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
