There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh god it's open bar.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
