he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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