So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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