Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
