He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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