dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
not ubering you a puppy
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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