Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
