she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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