before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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