IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
