It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
