i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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