called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sorry about my life...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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