i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
