I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
