so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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