Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
