somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
