We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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