You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
