Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
