Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
