No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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