Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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