No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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