i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
