just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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