girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This is my gift to your gina
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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