I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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