I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
