It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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