He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
if only i could text you this smell
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
