he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
