Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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