my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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