I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize