3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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