it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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