I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
