what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's always time for handjobs
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
