I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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