I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
