im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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