FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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