just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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