...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The maid of honor just puked.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
