I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
