from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
