I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
