does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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