booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
