what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
