The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
