Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize